Like, Totally Overhead

Conversations overhead while I was trying on clothes on Thursday that made me wonder the following:

• When did I get so old?
• Did this dressing room just magically transport me to Beverly Hills circa 1995?
• Could someone pay me enough to wear skinny jeans?
• I wonder if they're going to make fun of my mom outfit after I leave?

Try to use your most "Valley-girl" accent in your head as you read these mind-numbing bits of dialogue.  I changed or made up all the names but I'll put $20 on the fact that Ashley is actually one of them.

Sales Girl Ashley: "Yah, I, like, am totally paranoid about going into those little bars..."
Me (thinking): "Why? Because they might card you and find out you're underage?"
Sales Girl Ashley: "...I'm so worried I'm, like, going to run into my dad or something."

***

Sales Girl Rachel: "Some guy came up to me at the bar and I was like, "um, I have a boyfriend." and I pretended that Sam was my boyfriend. How desperate is that?"
Sales Girl Jessi: "Sam 'pop the coller Hollister'? That is totally desperate."
Me (thinking): Poor Sam. You can't win. You wear your collar like the Axe-soaked bodies in Hollister tell you to and yet it fails to deliver on the instant coolness it promised. Try a conch shell necklace and some aviators. That'll woo 'em. Fo shizzle.

***


Sales Girl Jessi: "She totally cannot dress a manequin. This is totally a mom outfit."
Me (thinking): Hmm...I wonder if they have that in my size?"

***

Sales Girl Sarah: "The other day Alyssa was like, "Don't go in the bathroom, I just pooped." And I was like, "Why would you tell me that?"
Me (thinking): The same solid reasoning you just used to decide to tell all of us in the store that story. It has the word poop in it and that makes it totally necessary, if not hee-LAR-ious, to recount to all in ear shot.

***

Sales Girl Ashley: "My dad was looking at my pix on facebook the other day and he was like, 'Are you really friends with that girl with all those piercings and tattoos?' And I was like, "Yah! She is like one of my besties! I love her!" And my dad was like, "Are you going to get piercings and tattoos now too?"
Sales Girl Amanda (the one with the piercings and tattoos): "Yah, I don't get why old people are so like freaked out about it. I mean, hello, it's like 2011! What are we, in the 1920's or something?"
Me (thinking): It's, like, not 2011. And you're totally right, it wasn't until the 30's when face piercings really entered the mainstream.