Ugly Christmas Sweaters

Today was "Optional-Participation Ugly Sweater & Snack Day" at the office, or "OPUS". A few of my co-workers got into the spirit and sported some pretty, well, ugly sweaters. A few were from thrift stores but the lovely white vest you see is available right now in your local Walmart! It says "Happiness is...homespun." Which is nothing short of ironic.

The girl on the left won our department-wide contest (you can't see the bow, clip-on earrings, bracelet, or shoe baubles that completed her outfit) but I think what put her over the top was her announcement that her turtleneck was not an actual turtleneck, but a dickie. She won a little prize I put together that boasted the sign "Congrats! You're the Ugliest!"

She couldn't be prouder.

Like, Totally Overhead

Conversations overhead while I was trying on clothes on Thursday that made me wonder the following:

• When did I get so old?
• Did this dressing room just magically transport me to Beverly Hills circa 1995?
• Could someone pay me enough to wear skinny jeans?
• I wonder if they're going to make fun of my mom outfit after I leave?

Try to use your most "Valley-girl" accent in your head as you read these mind-numbing bits of dialogue.  I changed or made up all the names but I'll put $20 on the fact that Ashley is actually one of them.

Sales Girl Ashley: "Yah, I, like, am totally paranoid about going into those little bars..."
Me (thinking): "Why? Because they might card you and find out you're underage?"
Sales Girl Ashley: "...I'm so worried I'm, like, going to run into my dad or something."

***

Sales Girl Rachel: "Some guy came up to me at the bar and I was like, "um, I have a boyfriend." and I pretended that Sam was my boyfriend. How desperate is that?"
Sales Girl Jessi: "Sam 'pop the coller Hollister'? That is totally desperate."
Me (thinking): Poor Sam. You can't win. You wear your collar like the Axe-soaked bodies in Hollister tell you to and yet it fails to deliver on the instant coolness it promised. Try a conch shell necklace and some aviators. That'll woo 'em. Fo shizzle.

***


Sales Girl Jessi: "She totally cannot dress a manequin. This is totally a mom outfit."
Me (thinking): Hmm...I wonder if they have that in my size?"

***

Sales Girl Sarah: "The other day Alyssa was like, "Don't go in the bathroom, I just pooped." And I was like, "Why would you tell me that?"
Me (thinking): The same solid reasoning you just used to decide to tell all of us in the store that story. It has the word poop in it and that makes it totally necessary, if not hee-LAR-ious, to recount to all in ear shot.

***

Sales Girl Ashley: "My dad was looking at my pix on facebook the other day and he was like, 'Are you really friends with that girl with all those piercings and tattoos?' And I was like, "Yah! She is like one of my besties! I love her!" And my dad was like, "Are you going to get piercings and tattoos now too?"
Sales Girl Amanda (the one with the piercings and tattoos): "Yah, I don't get why old people are so like freaked out about it. I mean, hello, it's like 2011! What are we, in the 1920's or something?"
Me (thinking): It's, like, not 2011. And you're totally right, it wasn't until the 30's when face piercings really entered the mainstream.

Scarface

Pick your caption:

A. Some Buddy needs his fingernails cut
B. Some Buddy needs his hair cut

Bronchitis and other things I'd like to get off my chest

Dear Bronchitis,
It was lovely of you to stop by to visit last week. I enjoyed the killer sore throat, chills and body aches. The fluid on the ears was a nice touch that not everyone would have been considerate enough to share, but you are not one to forget the details! So thanks for that as well.

Taking a day off to visit the doctor was high on my list of ways to use my remaining vacation days before being forced to waste them spending time with family and friends during Christmas.  I especially loved how you made yourself so evident--flamboyant even--that when I opened my mouth for the Doctor to see, he responded with "Oh, Yuck!" Just what every patient wants to hear!
 
Since I have already used all of my medical flex money this year, I was glad to know that my visit and prescription co-pays would be providing the government with their full taxes (Lord knows they'll spend it wisely).

Thanks for talking to your two friends, Antibiotic and Steroids, for me and letting them know how well I handle both medications. They really kicked it into high gear helping me feel like I was out partying until 6am and then bloating me up to feel like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon.  I really feel like I missed out on a big rite of passage in college by never getting drunk and waking up with a hangover, but thanks for filling that void and showing me exactly what I was missing. It's even better now that I get to drive 30 miles to a high-stress job instead of walking a few blocks to sit through an Oral Comm. lecture.

It's been a week and I know you'd like to hang around longer. You even mentioned introducing me to your colleague, Pneumonia, but I think it's about time we parted ways. I see the sore throat and cough symptoms have all but packed their bags, but it's time to pack up the nausea, exhaustion and cobweb brain and be on your merry way.  I'd help you, but I think I'll just sit here a while longer and watch the Christmas tree lights spin.

Warm Regards,
Cobo

Awkward Santa Photo

Childhood Toys Revisited

Ryan got to spend a lot of time playing at Grandpa and Grandma's house today and many of Adam's old toys were hauled out for fresh little buddy boy to explore!  Any other children of the 80's remember these classics?

"The Farmer Says" See n' Say

Fred Flinstone "pop up" inflatable (slightly deflated).

Building Bricks

Adam's Old Rocking Chair

I guess some things never go out of style.  Ryan loves playing with all these toys and he had a great time playing hard with Grandpa and Grandma (and Lexi the dog)!

Gingerbread Houses 2010

We had an awesome turnout for this year's Gingerbread House Contest with many creative entries in each division. It is so fun to see kids get excited about using their creativity and it makes a great event for the community. We had so many more voters this year, we had to go print more ballots!

Here's a slideshow of all the entries. If you want a closer look, click on the icon in the bottom right corner, then click on the album link "Gingerbread 2010".  I also posted a few of my faves below.



This pool was made by 4 siblings under the age of 12 and won the Grand Prize in the Kids Division. What a creative bunch and so nicely done! Check out all details of the inner tubes piled by the pool house, the diving board, and fringed towels waiting for sunbathers!

The Runner-Up in the Kids Division was also a creative entry as Graham crackers and pretzels were made into a Tropical Tiki Hut!

The Grand Prize Winner in the Families/Businesses Division was spectacular! The castle was completely made of gingerbread, then frosted and piped into perfectiong, but my favorite part is the dragon!

Thanks for everyone who put so much work into your entries! The community really loves this event and you are what make it possible!