Oh Deer!

I have a co-worker "Jared" who has had some rotten luck with deer. Last fall, he hit a deer in pouring rain at 5am while on his way to the airport for a trade show and ended up missing his flight. To show our sympathy, we made some brownies and stuck a picture of him in his car (with a dent), a dead deer, and an image of Thumper and Flower saying "Bambi Killer."  So, today, when my boss sent me a picture of Jared standing next to his busted-up car in the parking lot of the airport, I had to laugh (but also groan). Poor Guy...not again!

Here is what will be posted in the office tomorrow morning (names changed/picture blurred but most of you will know who I'm talking about :).

MONTEGUE “THE MANGLER” STRIKES AGAIN

July 27, 2010

Sioux Falls, SD - Infamous for taking out Bambi’s mother last Fall, a local deer murderer has

struck again, this time obliterating Bambi’s father, ensuring her place in history has an orphan left

to be brought up by the likes of skunks and rabbits.

Jared Montegue, 32, of Smalltown, IA, struck and killed a 30-point buck on I-29 early Monday

morning. It is believed he left the scene of the accident without alerting South Dakota State Patrol or

making arrangements for the memorial service of the 7- year-old father of 1. Tragically, this is the not

the first time Montegue’s silver bullet o’ death has struck the Whitetail family. Less than one year ago,

the mother of this buck’s only child was also left to limp to her death along the side of a South Dakota

highway.

 Picture Caption:

“Happier Times.” The last know photo of Mr & Mrs. Whitetail. Little did they know that in one short year, both of their lives would be tragically taken by the same cold-blooded car.

What can be done?

Sammy Squirrel, spokescreature for PRAJD (Potential Roadkill Against Jason Driving) was quoted as saying, “Something must be done. I mean, how much more can we take? Last week I hear of two skunks kicking the bucket on Hwy 75, a pheasant/windshield incident that ended unpleasantly, and now this? What next? Chickens being released into high schools?”  [this recently happened in the town where we work]

Mr. Squirrel  is circulating a petition to end all morning commutes to the Sioux Falls Regional Airport performed by Jared P. Montegue as a two-time violent offender. Anyone wishing to sign the petition is asked to do so by July 31^st so it can be submitted to the MWAWA (MidWest Alliance of Woodland Animals) for ratification.

Montegue could not be reached for comment, but the actions expressed in this exclusive photo, submitted by Bard Mercedes, suggest his only remorse is the inconvenience of getting car parts replaced and the potential hike in his automobile insurance rates.

Not cool, Richard. [another nickname we have for Jared]

Not cool.