Pretzels (1 of 3 in "Almond Bark" series)

I picked up some holiday shaped pretzels at Pamida last night to make these extra festive. Since I didn't know if/when Ryan would wake up and need attention, and was multi-tasking laundry and making chili in the crockpot during all this, I decided the best method for melting the almond bark would be to use a double boiler so it would stay liquidy even if I had to take a break from it. It would have been a great idea if I owned a double boiler, which I don't. I made several poor attempts to rig one by placing various sizes of glass bowls in a pot of boiling water.

TIP: while the water is boiling is not a good time to figure out if the bowl size will float, fall in, or not sit in deep enough. Or cover just enough surface area to force the boiling water and steam in a stream directed at your face.

I know have made this work one time before and I eventually did get the right pot/amount of water/glass bowl size/stove temperature combination and melted an entire package of vanilla almond bark. It was terrible. I know I may offend at least one person (Cheri Meyn) by using this word, but it sucked. It was not thin enough to drip off the pretzels--it was just plain globby. I added a little Crisco, but could never get it right. My guess is a little steam from the boiling-over episodes make the inside of the bowl slightly damp, which all good bark-dippers know is cardinal sin #1. I forged ahead, however gloppy, and managed to coat 3 pans of white pretzels by dumping them in the bowl, fishing them out with the tine of a meat fork, scraping the excess off with a wooden spoon, and depositing them one-by-one on waxed paper-lined cookie sheets.

I learned a little bit from the Great White Mess of 2009 and decided to use the microwave for the chocolate almond bark. Since this went much better, I will give you my tips on melting:

1. Chop almond bark using a (fake) ULU knife purchased from a cheap tourist shop in Anchorage.
2. Place in 4-cup Pampered Chef batter bowl you got as a wedding gift along with a knife-full of Crisco. Use a knife instead of a spoon because a clean one is lying approximately 2 feet closer to you.
3. Place in your Samsung microwave you bought from Sears 6 years ago when you graduated from college using the money your grandparents gave your mom to buy you a Christmas present from them with.
4. Use the "Handy Hints" button for "Melt Chocolate". It will beep at you half-way through the 2:30 time. Stir with a wooden spoon, then complete the time. Then, put it in again and do "Melt Chocolate" again, but this time take it out halfway through. Maybe the Samsung people never thought anyone would melt that much chocolate at a time, but they should really think about making the melt chocolate cycle work in one cycle instead of 1.5.
5. Now you have beautiful, thinner chocolate that is ready for dipping! Aren't you glad I provide such helpful hints that everyone can follow? You're welcome.

Since the mess of the white pretzels wasn't anything a little lot of chocolate drizzle couldn't hide, I drizzled all the white pretzels, then dipped some plain chocolate ones. I did not drizzle the chocolate ones in white because I wanted them to be a little more understated. Also, I had used the entire package to do the first batch of pretzels, plus some Oreos (see next post).

I ended up with about 5 cookie sheets of dipped pretzels and they taste pretty good. I put some in a small box for Adam and I to eat and the rest will be coming to a holiday platter near you!